The Butterfly Effect

The movie, The Butterfly Effect, was one of the best movies I have ever watched. Completely swept by Ashton Kutcher's acting. Always watched his romantic and dumb guy roles till this one and it was a pleasant surprise. Now this movie got me on thinking, what is "The Butterfly Effect"?

Its used in explaining Chaos theory. The butterfly effect was first described by Edward Lorenz, a meteorologist. His quote: "Predictability: Does the Flap of a Butterfly's Wings in Brazil set off a Tornado in Texas?". The phrase refers to the idea that a butterfly's wings might lead to minute changes in the atmosphere that ultimately can cause a tornado! The flapping wing causes a chain of events leading to large-scale phenomena. Otherwise? The trajectory of the atmosphere may have been different.

So in that movie, a small incident in his adolescence changes his life completely, so he uses his mind power to go back and change that one incidence and it leads to nothing but mess. Now why am I talking about this? One little misapprehension of my effort in my project lead to a situation which could have stamped a black mark in my appraisal! If I hadn't been blunt and made it clear to the management, I would have lost ownership of my work. I was flying high that I bought a car, and I was pulled down to terra firma with a thud. But I carried myself well and by end of the day I got a pat on my back. Somebody remarked that no one can break my spirit.
phew! Its been a hell of a spin!

The world would be a better place...

if I just keep my big mouth shut!

Its been more than a month since I've put up a post! Been busy but not always, never got anything to write, until now.

After cooking for weeks everyday at home, I'm really frustated. I started it thinking it would be a good break from routine and fun to pass the time. But the cooking itself has become a routine. Everyday before leaving office I think, "what should I cook tonight?". Since I eat alone, there is nobody to give me their preference. I wake up in the morning and think, "So, what should I pack for lunch?" arrgghhh!! Yesterday while cooking my mom's recipe, I suddenly realized that my mother has been doing this for past three decades! I called her up and said "Amma, thank you for cooking us such delicious food everyday, never tiring. I acknowledge that its very tough to be a homemaker, I love you". She was so happy to hear this, I could hear her voice quiver. It feels nice if somebody reconizes the hard work you do, which was otherwise going un-noticed.

Nothing is Impossible

When my friend used to say, "Never say you won't do it, you don't know when you will change your mind or what situations might change the way you think", I always said "Impossible!". Yesterday I realised that he was right. I had stuck to eating food with no meat years ago and called myself "vegetarian by choice", never had I thought that even after feeling so strongly against non-vegetarian food, I would end up trying it. I was sitting next to the same friend at a restuarant, as he devoured a very delicious marinated seer fish, and believe me, I don't often see such a beautiful dish. Even before he offered a bite, I was drooling and the first time he just asked if I want to try, I was ready. But I stopped myself for sometime, still I had to try. The good girl in me begged me to stop, or was it my mental block or my conscience? But I REALLY wanted to try. So I took a teeny weeny bite of it and GOD! it was more yummy than the eggplant dish I was having. It always feels nice to do the forbidden, isn't it? Well, here the forbidden lines were drawn by me, so I could easily cross it. And to my surprise I didnt even puke. I don't know if I will muster enough courage to try again, but now I understand that one cannot think that doing something is impossible or say it can never happen, I wont do it, coz you'll never know what is going to happen in your life and what situations might arise that will change you.
Full credit for the above line goes to my friend who told this :)

Bangalore-Mysore Non-Stop

6 45 PM Sunday evening, Tanjavur express slowly screeches to a halt at the Bangalore station. Scores of people get down and try to make their way through the stairs or the subway. Among this crowd you can find a kind of people who have few common characteristics. They are young, tired and malnourished faces, dark circles, usually carrying a small backpack. They are usually very sharp in recognising species of their own kind. They are glad to meet buddies and school mates and they quickly ask each other the same set of questions. "So, where are you working?" "What platform?". And no, they are not talking about the station platform. This kind goes back to work on Monday morning, dragging their lethargic body and somehow manage to make it through the week. When its Friday and they all jump in glee and rush back to the same station in the evening. They beg their managers, lie, do anything to make it there in time for the 6 15 train. This smart species have come up with a brilliant plan to buy tickets and have a seating, no matter how large the crowd. For this they operate in a gang. This train is usually overflowing. One person stands in the long queue, bearing the stinch, the massive crowd, pulling and pushing and manages to buy tickets for the rest of the gang. Two or more directly enter the platform and alight the train and hold the seat. For about half an hour they endure numerous people coming and asking if the seats are taken and also argue with people who think this arrangement is wrong. Then with few calls and messages, they all are united just before the train leaves. They go home to enjoy one day of the weekend and again on Sunday the story repeats. This kind call themselves as Software Engineers, but not many have any idea of what they actually do.

This cute, cuddly, adorable little thing is a year old now :)

Why Not Me??

When something has really gone bad, when you are miserable, when life sucks, when life is so hopeless that hell can't be worse, you cry out "why me?!". Why haven't you ever thought "why not me?". Why should you think you don't deserve such an ill fate? When all humans deserve happiness then why dont we all deserve tragedy? When there is devastation in a different part of the country, you are relieved to say "Thank God, it didn't happen here", but somebody stuck in that same calamity will think, "why did this happen to me?". Why the tendancy to assume that nothing wrong can happen? Why compare to other person's life and think "why don't I have what she has?". Have you ever thought that she might be asking herself the same question?

Why can't the police tow your car among all the others which are in the no-parking zone? Why shouldn't you have a running nose on the day of a very big party? Why shouldn't your debit card stop working in an ATM when its an emergency? Why shouldn't your bike break down when you are late to office? Why shouldn't your friend pick you among all her other friends, to do her a favor which you hate to do? Why should most of the cricket matches be played on a Sunday?!
We all are of the same species, then how can you be special or God sent that nothing wrong can happen to you? And... why am I writing this post?

Every Day is a Winding Road

If Bangalore traffic never ceases to surprise you then the traffic police are not far behind. Of course, we can never doubt their ability to manage this crazy and ever growing traffic, but maybe they are not thinking clear or the pollution might have got them. If anybody wants to defend them, then think of the Richmond circle flyover. It is believed that it has a record of being probably the only manned flyover in the world. For people who are still thinking "why?", let me tell you that flyovers are not only built to avoid traffic congestion but also to reduce signals and help the police. And now, they go a step ahead and confuse all the commuters going past the centre of the city by reversing all the one ways. First day it felt like the traffic police is trying to play hide and seek. They hide the route to your destination and you go round and round and finally reach your destination or end up where you began. On top of that, the bus commuters now have to stand in the opposite direction of the bus shelter, while the shelter beams with all the glowing ads clearly visible, I guess the advertisers will be the only people who wont be complaining. I've never seen a single road being divided into two opposite one ways. A narrow one way is now open for vehicles in the other direction. If you are not careful, you might slam into a barricade, for which no effort has been taken to put warning signals of their presence. Now my favourite pass time is to find out the shortest path to home, or sit and think where I want to go and how do I reach there. So now I ask, is the Bangalore traffice police trying to test our intelligence or gloat theirs?

PS: If this has any resemblance to any of the "sunday" articles, then its purely co-incidental.

This was taken from a borrowed camera, on top of a hill in Kerala. I was actually focusing my colleagues in front of this pretty tree through which thick rays of sun were penetrating. But just before I clicked, a thin film of cloud passed through us, I immediately lifted the cam and captured this beautiful shot. You can also see my project mate trying to figure out why I changed my focus ;)

What Not to do in A Software Profession..

Your lab manager is hosting a talk (its more like a sermon) about the measure taken for employee satisfaction. You cutely put your hand up and tell him, "What about a lab offsite? Haven't had it for about a year" (For the uninitiated, offsite is a team outing). You lab manager will say "very good point!" and jot something down. You'll think he wrote about the offsite and who will be arranging this, but he will be writing down your name and the project you work for.

You wear a good pair of jeans and a t-shirt and you go to office , confident that you look cute, but eyes with raised eyebrows (and a dark circle underneath) will stare back at you. Taken the casual dress code too far? No, you have dressed decently but people will stare anyway.

You change your hair style..its a drastic change. You expect that people will comment but you can't believe that your manager said "trying to look young?". So either condition your colleagues for the shock treatment, like I did, or just dont risk it! someone told me "I wouldn't be surprised if you shave your head for the next time".

You finish your work in time. But if you leave early everyday, then you are considered as a non-hard worker. You were caught up in some other work, you were late and you reached office at noon, so its considered as a half day leave, no matter you slog till late night.

Its a sin to use messenger, though all your cubicle-mates are online too, all the time. Dont talk in your normal tone over the phone. You HAVE to whisper. People around are intelligent enough to guess by the ring of your desk-phone, if you got an intranet call or a call from outside. You are standing in the balcony, on a call, you mom is generously showering you with words of wisdom and at regular intervals you get scolded too. Obviously you are speechless. But anybody walking by will think you are on call with your boyfriend and lost in his words.

You will also be judged by the people you have lunch with, or occasionally have a cup of tea. If the person is of opposite sex, it doesnt matter if he/she is a friend from school, all it matters is, 'you had tea/lunch with a guy, alone!'

Dont even think of wearing a shoe which is not black or white. Red sneakers from Adidas is damn cute, but your colleagues wont think like that. If you are a girl, and you are wearing a belt which peeks from below your shirt, you think you look cool? Wrong! well I'm only talking about the office, remember?

Your team mate makes a remark about you, you get slightly mad at him, just for fun you lift your helmet and gesture you will hit him with it. Funny right? NO! Others who watched this, will be making a mental note of reporting this to HR.

And after reading through all this, you think, I dont care...I'm glad I have company.

Here I Go Again!

There was a time when people used to wonder if I'm a little crazy or a little mad or is it just they have a wrong opinion about a sweet and simple young lady. Now, I have cleared almost everybody's doubt. Its confirmed I'm just simply crazy! Yes, I've cut my hair really short and each hair points in a direction completely different from the neighboring one (I'm growing wiser each day as I aquire knowledge from all angles, you see, they are secretively my antennas). So this is dedicated for all the poeple with a finger (now perverts can stop thinking, ok?) on their nose. I just do what I want to do. I love my new hairstyle. It looks cute and it looks smart. Grateful to all the people who held back their giggle, smirk and everything else and made a bold remark, that they really liked it. Liked it? Com'on love it. I'm finally free, got rid of my untamed perms and now my parents hate this look (no intention to annoy them, but it helps keep all the "eligible" bachelors away!). So people don't get too used to this new look, coz I'm gonna be back with another shocking hair experiment.

He is Coming Down the Montain, Here He Comes...

The phone rings, My Mother picks up.
She: "Hello?... aha! oh! hmm... hmmm... hmmm.. oh! great!.. hold on a second"
Now she turns towards me, a hapless creature who is ruthlessly trapped in a crazy world of crazy people who think marriage is the final and only destination for a girl. Back to the conversation now.
She: "Hey! Your Grandpa's friend's friend's daughter's mother-in-law's nephew" phew! "is searching" read: hunting desperately "for a girl who is a software engineer" notice the qualification being stressed "soooo.... interested?"
Me: "Mom! but I dont want to marry, not in the near future, you know.." She stops me
She: "Look the boy" predator "is really well qualified and decent" and she learnt this in two minutes of introduction.
Me:"But mom!"
She: "No buts here!"
Me: "I'm not interested"
She: Now returning back to my grandpa's friend's friend "Leave your number with me, I'll call you back" she smiles as if he can see her and scribbles the number wrong, and my belief in God grew stronger.
She: "Look, you are not getting any younger, you will have to get married someday!"
Me: "Is that a rule?"
She: "Now don't talk like that!" never seen her blush so much
Me: Seeing no way out "Ok tell me what's he doing?"
She: Happier "He is working in Infosys"
Me: "As a?"
She : "Of course he will be working as a software engineer!"
Me: Roll my eyes "Not necessarily"
She : "He will be! can't you see?" see what? "he is looking for a qualified girl! and he is from *long name* family"
Me: out of curiosity "how tall is he?"
She: "5 feet 5 inches"
Me: "But mom, I'm 5,5!! I need a tall guy!"
She: "You dont wear high heeled shoes anyway.. so it will work out and besides he is going to US by January next year and he needs to marry before that"
Me: "What? how will I get to know him in such short time? and what will I do when he goes off in Jan, till I get my Visa should I sit at home n eat nuts?"
She: "Girls these days! make them economically independent and they forget their manners and culture and &%##$@ &*%%$# @#$$%^# ..."
Me: I change the TV channel to a local one "Mom, your serial has started"
She: "Oh! I missed the first 5 minutes! I wonder where that guy ran away with the child, it was so crucial!"
Me: "Mom.. he is still running" Geeesh! I slowly slip away. My dad, who was a mute specatator all this time, smiles. It was almost a Hi5.
Now over to next weekend and the drama continues..

It Took 1 to Change 287 Bulbs

I did the Landmark Forum, one of the programs offered by Landmark education, mainly out of curiosity. I wanted to know how it really works to thousands of people world wide and also wanted a miracle to happen. But that's what they teach, miracles dont happen. One has to create his own possiblity and then a miracle happens. Sorry! now I'm talking like them! For three full days and an evening session I got 14 hours of brain drain. They drill to maximum and you'll hate them. Not only do you reach home after midnight, you get assignments, like call people and make them think you've turned lunatic for waking them up from their sweet slumber, just to "complete" something with them and ask sorry for something they have no clue about! If you haven't experienced enough frustation and anger (and boredom), thats the place you ought to be. And whats more annoying is that they cant stop extolling about Landmark, and force you to take up the next level course. The breaks are after two and a half or three hours, so not advisable for people who cant control 'you know what I mean' for long. The breaks are just half hour long and they expect you to finish your visit to loo, the next door Chai shop and complete your assignments by calling people. If you are an irascible person like me, you will feel extremes of emotions.

Having said all that, let me get to its good part. They make you see how silly and stupid you've been coz you are making up stories in your head about your problems that are so minute and worthless to spend your time cribbing about. Also you get to complete a chapter of your life that was in the past but you keep living it everyday! At the end of it all, I was weary, irritated, emotionally vulnerable. The illusion in which I was living in, that nothing can go wrong in my life and everything I do is right, vanished. They dont change you. They wont even take away your problems and they dont make you Mahatma Gandhi. All they do is give you a new perspective towards life. They burst your bubble and slap you, make you stand up and take a look at your life.

I enjoyed watching people argue with the leader, just how people argue to prove that they are right. You get to see how unique is each one's problem. People walk up to the stage and put up a show. There was even a junior Meena Kumari (a Bollywood actress who cried buckets of tears). Some even claimed that they were transformed and felt ecstasy, some saw miracles happen and some were left dejected and disapointed. And they was one category in which I fall into, uncertain what happened, but left a little sattisfied. They tried their best to put all of us in advance course, but man! the course fee is too high and I wriggled my way out of it! There are still 10 seminars to attend, but I'm done with this. I did some research today (unfortunately?) on how the Landmark works and came across some shocking personal stories! check them out too.

Turn up, tune in, transform?
Reports, Articles and Personal Stories

Child Woman

My sister, now married and mother of a 7 month old baby girl, suddenly had the urge to go bowling. She and I were at our parents' home. She bluntly refused the company of my Brother-in-Law, and ordered me to come along. She wanted to bowl, just like old times! It came as a surprise to all of us, as she never leaves her baby behind wherever she goes and she had stopped having fun, two years ago. At the bowling alley she was bubbling with excitement as she lifted a light ball with the brightest color. It had been so long, the poor thing had forgotten how to hold one. Her first shot hardly touched few pins, but she came back grinning. I wanted to let her win, like we do with kids, but thought of giving her a good competition. At the end, I led the score with only a couple of points. I saw the widest smile on her face when she announced she wanted to play another game! I was tired coz I just recovered from viral fever, she was kind enough to let me go. She played the next game alone but was very distracted when she started to think about her baby she left back at home. I called my mom who was baby-sitting and assured my sister the baby is doing fine. After the second game, she called her husband and proudly announced her score. Later we played few games at the video games arcade and she won them. When we returned home, she was rejuvenated. Made me wonder why women forget to have fun when they settle into a family of their own.

I'm sorry for the word verification in my blog's comment window. Have got few weird things published as comments from unknown sources. I thank all the people who still care to comment.

Daddy's Little Princess?

Its been a long break from the blogger world. I didnt post anything new, neither did I read any. Now I'm back, and I feel refreshed!

Last week I was watching an episode of Oprah Winfrey Show. I like this show, and love the work her Angel Network does. The topic has been discussed before, talked, mourned and cried. But this time I learnt more. It was about fathers sexually molesting their own daughters! I feel very sad to know that such fathers do exist. First time I came to know about such crimes, I talked to my dad, and asked him how can any father do such a thing. He said these kind of stories are beyond his comprehension and can only be committed by men who are not normal. There was a teenage girl, narrating her story and cried continuously. I admired her courage to do such a thing in front of an audience and a camera. She was finding it so difficult to say her step father had done the same thing to her mentally challenged sister too. He tried to reason it by saying he was looking for acceptance and love. What crap!! But he confessed that such crimes are not committed because of sudden urge or lack of thinking, he said the crime is planned for months. The men actually first just try to get close to their daughters by fondling. On finding no resistance, they try more moves.

It was disgusting. Such crimes usually go unnoticed by the law cause the mothers refuse to go against their husbands! sometimes the girl keep this as a secret as she is afraid that her mother might choose her husband over the girl. I could see anger and comtempt in Oprah's eyes, a victim herself. Her words were bitter when she told the audience that the criminals, on found gulity are sentenced to therapy and just 5 or less number of years of imprisonment. Horrific to know that, as these crimes are worse than manslaughter. I was so glad to have a father whom I love and respect.

What Men Want...

One question I usually ask my guy friends is, what do they find attractive in a woman. This has always been a very interesting topic of discussion for me coz sometimes I get very surprising answers. Eyes, face, figure has been some of the common things listed but one thing that is common to almost 99% of the guys I have talked to, is long hair. I simply dont understand why! Long hair does add beauty to a girl but there are girls who look pretty in very short hair too. It just depends on the way they style and groom it, which I am really bad at. If good hair matters then I am one of the ugliest females living!

One answer was unique, the guy first observes the girl's arms. If they are in good shape then that makes the girl sexy.Very interesting. I never knew this before. But its not funny, its just his point of view. There is one guy I know who first sees the girl's nails. If they are well groomed and painted with rich colors she is found to be sexy. Now that is weird. Just nails makes someone attractive?

Then there is the dress and accessories that come into picture. I find it very funny that guys find girls in modern attire, with short skirts and jeans very appealing but once they have a girlfriend, she looks good only in a salwar kameez, so insist on wearing that. Why is that? I asked my friend and he had this to say - Girls look pretty in jeans but they look beautiful in salwar kameez. Really?!

Talking too much is a turn off. But if she is silent most of the times, the girl is considered to be dim-witted. Good smile kills, but if she smiles too much, she is a flirt. Lean girls are OK, voluptuous is better but fat girls are funny. She must be intelligent but shouldn't give smart advices. Hmmm, so are men epitome of perfection?

My first heart attack... well ok, a mild one.

Me:I had permed my hair few months ago. Now I got bored of it. Can u suggest something?
Beautician : Well, let me ask my girl to take a look at it.
girl: Her hair seems strong enough, I think she can go for it.
Beautician: Alright then, we will first condition your hair for the treatment, in the next sitting, I will treat your hair, then I will make it straight!
Me: Good! so will you be open on weekends?
Beautician: Only on Saturdays.
Me: Alright, I will call and take the appointment. So how much approximately will you charge me for this?
Beautician: Ammmm, see it depends on the length of you hair, since yours is little below the shoulder, it will cost you around 3000 to 3500 or 4 probably.
Me: uh.. ammm ..oh ... ah ... oh...kayyy...fine..ummm...I will call.. bbye.
I never called.

Excuse Me for not being a Snob

I walked into a designer store. Had bought a Ghagra long time back, just needed to get some alterations done. I was in my jeans, not so new tees, a bag on both my shoulders, sneakers which were a bit muddy and a helmet in one hand. The saleswoman gave me a surprise look. I put down the skirt and gave instructions. She was still not listening to me. She had already judged me even before I spoke. I had to repeat and talk firmly this time to grab her attention. She first denied its a creation from the store. How strange is that? Then she took a look at the dress and she was surprised at what she saw. She said "Yes, indeed its from our store!" It was hard for her to digest the fact that a girl like me could own such a dress. To my amazement she even asked me to whom this dress belongs to! I said bluntly " Does it matter? just tell me will you do it or not?" I was losing my temper by now coz the woman was still staring at me with a blank expression and wasnt speaking anything. Finally she agreed. Then I just left the store giving her my contact number. Before I walked out I turned back and asked "So, when can I come to collect MY dress?"
I really wonder who gives them the right to judge a customer with what he/she is wearing or how good they look. Isnt it their duty to just help the customer, without judging that person on weather he/she can buy or not? They forget that they cant even afford to buy the items!

Choco Delight II

I am proud of my new collection!My previous collection had dwindled too soon. And now I have a more beautiful one. I am so totally in love with this. I thank two of my nearest and dearest friends for making this possible.
Note: Each gram of chocolate is in mint condition for consumption. All bear a manufacturing date of a recent time. For people who feel this post is silly, dont bother to comment.