What Not to do in A Software Profession..

Your lab manager is hosting a talk (its more like a sermon) about the measure taken for employee satisfaction. You cutely put your hand up and tell him, "What about a lab offsite? Haven't had it for about a year" (For the uninitiated, offsite is a team outing). You lab manager will say "very good point!" and jot something down. You'll think he wrote about the offsite and who will be arranging this, but he will be writing down your name and the project you work for.

You wear a good pair of jeans and a t-shirt and you go to office , confident that you look cute, but eyes with raised eyebrows (and a dark circle underneath) will stare back at you. Taken the casual dress code too far? No, you have dressed decently but people will stare anyway.

You change your hair style..its a drastic change. You expect that people will comment but you can't believe that your manager said "trying to look young?". So either condition your colleagues for the shock treatment, like I did, or just dont risk it! someone told me "I wouldn't be surprised if you shave your head for the next time".

You finish your work in time. But if you leave early everyday, then you are considered as a non-hard worker. You were caught up in some other work, you were late and you reached office at noon, so its considered as a half day leave, no matter you slog till late night.

Its a sin to use messenger, though all your cubicle-mates are online too, all the time. Dont talk in your normal tone over the phone. You HAVE to whisper. People around are intelligent enough to guess by the ring of your desk-phone, if you got an intranet call or a call from outside. You are standing in the balcony, on a call, you mom is generously showering you with words of wisdom and at regular intervals you get scolded too. Obviously you are speechless. But anybody walking by will think you are on call with your boyfriend and lost in his words.

You will also be judged by the people you have lunch with, or occasionally have a cup of tea. If the person is of opposite sex, it doesnt matter if he/she is a friend from school, all it matters is, 'you had tea/lunch with a guy, alone!'

Dont even think of wearing a shoe which is not black or white. Red sneakers from Adidas is damn cute, but your colleagues wont think like that. If you are a girl, and you are wearing a belt which peeks from below your shirt, you think you look cool? Wrong! well I'm only talking about the office, remember?

Your team mate makes a remark about you, you get slightly mad at him, just for fun you lift your helmet and gesture you will hit him with it. Funny right? NO! Others who watched this, will be making a mental note of reporting this to HR.

And after reading through all this, you think, I dont care...I'm glad I have company.

Here I Go Again!

There was a time when people used to wonder if I'm a little crazy or a little mad or is it just they have a wrong opinion about a sweet and simple young lady. Now, I have cleared almost everybody's doubt. Its confirmed I'm just simply crazy! Yes, I've cut my hair really short and each hair points in a direction completely different from the neighboring one (I'm growing wiser each day as I aquire knowledge from all angles, you see, they are secretively my antennas). So this is dedicated for all the poeple with a finger (now perverts can stop thinking, ok?) on their nose. I just do what I want to do. I love my new hairstyle. It looks cute and it looks smart. Grateful to all the people who held back their giggle, smirk and everything else and made a bold remark, that they really liked it. Liked it? Com'on love it. I'm finally free, got rid of my untamed perms and now my parents hate this look (no intention to annoy them, but it helps keep all the "eligible" bachelors away!). So people don't get too used to this new look, coz I'm gonna be back with another shocking hair experiment.

He is Coming Down the Montain, Here He Comes...

The phone rings, My Mother picks up.
She: "Hello?... aha! oh! hmm... hmmm... hmmm.. oh! great!.. hold on a second"
Now she turns towards me, a hapless creature who is ruthlessly trapped in a crazy world of crazy people who think marriage is the final and only destination for a girl. Back to the conversation now.
She: "Hey! Your Grandpa's friend's friend's daughter's mother-in-law's nephew" phew! "is searching" read: hunting desperately "for a girl who is a software engineer" notice the qualification being stressed "soooo.... interested?"
Me: "Mom! but I dont want to marry, not in the near future, you know.." She stops me
She: "Look the boy" predator "is really well qualified and decent" and she learnt this in two minutes of introduction.
Me:"But mom!"
She: "No buts here!"
Me: "I'm not interested"
She: Now returning back to my grandpa's friend's friend "Leave your number with me, I'll call you back" she smiles as if he can see her and scribbles the number wrong, and my belief in God grew stronger.
She: "Look, you are not getting any younger, you will have to get married someday!"
Me: "Is that a rule?"
She: "Now don't talk like that!" never seen her blush so much
Me: Seeing no way out "Ok tell me what's he doing?"
She: Happier "He is working in Infosys"
Me: "As a?"
She : "Of course he will be working as a software engineer!"
Me: Roll my eyes "Not necessarily"
She : "He will be! can't you see?" see what? "he is looking for a qualified girl! and he is from *long name* family"
Me: out of curiosity "how tall is he?"
She: "5 feet 5 inches"
Me: "But mom, I'm 5,5!! I need a tall guy!"
She: "You dont wear high heeled shoes anyway.. so it will work out and besides he is going to US by January next year and he needs to marry before that"
Me: "What? how will I get to know him in such short time? and what will I do when he goes off in Jan, till I get my Visa should I sit at home n eat nuts?"
She: "Girls these days! make them economically independent and they forget their manners and culture and &%##$@ &*%%$# @#$$%^# ..."
Me: I change the TV channel to a local one "Mom, your serial has started"
She: "Oh! I missed the first 5 minutes! I wonder where that guy ran away with the child, it was so crucial!"
Me: "Mom.. he is still running" Geeesh! I slowly slip away. My dad, who was a mute specatator all this time, smiles. It was almost a Hi5.
Now over to next weekend and the drama continues..

It Took 1 to Change 287 Bulbs

I did the Landmark Forum, one of the programs offered by Landmark education, mainly out of curiosity. I wanted to know how it really works to thousands of people world wide and also wanted a miracle to happen. But that's what they teach, miracles dont happen. One has to create his own possiblity and then a miracle happens. Sorry! now I'm talking like them! For three full days and an evening session I got 14 hours of brain drain. They drill to maximum and you'll hate them. Not only do you reach home after midnight, you get assignments, like call people and make them think you've turned lunatic for waking them up from their sweet slumber, just to "complete" something with them and ask sorry for something they have no clue about! If you haven't experienced enough frustation and anger (and boredom), thats the place you ought to be. And whats more annoying is that they cant stop extolling about Landmark, and force you to take up the next level course. The breaks are after two and a half or three hours, so not advisable for people who cant control 'you know what I mean' for long. The breaks are just half hour long and they expect you to finish your visit to loo, the next door Chai shop and complete your assignments by calling people. If you are an irascible person like me, you will feel extremes of emotions.

Having said all that, let me get to its good part. They make you see how silly and stupid you've been coz you are making up stories in your head about your problems that are so minute and worthless to spend your time cribbing about. Also you get to complete a chapter of your life that was in the past but you keep living it everyday! At the end of it all, I was weary, irritated, emotionally vulnerable. The illusion in which I was living in, that nothing can go wrong in my life and everything I do is right, vanished. They dont change you. They wont even take away your problems and they dont make you Mahatma Gandhi. All they do is give you a new perspective towards life. They burst your bubble and slap you, make you stand up and take a look at your life.

I enjoyed watching people argue with the leader, just how people argue to prove that they are right. You get to see how unique is each one's problem. People walk up to the stage and put up a show. There was even a junior Meena Kumari (a Bollywood actress who cried buckets of tears). Some even claimed that they were transformed and felt ecstasy, some saw miracles happen and some were left dejected and disapointed. And they was one category in which I fall into, uncertain what happened, but left a little sattisfied. They tried their best to put all of us in advance course, but man! the course fee is too high and I wriggled my way out of it! There are still 10 seminars to attend, but I'm done with this. I did some research today (unfortunately?) on how the Landmark works and came across some shocking personal stories! check them out too.

Turn up, tune in, transform?
Reports, Articles and Personal Stories

Child Woman

My sister, now married and mother of a 7 month old baby girl, suddenly had the urge to go bowling. She and I were at our parents' home. She bluntly refused the company of my Brother-in-Law, and ordered me to come along. She wanted to bowl, just like old times! It came as a surprise to all of us, as she never leaves her baby behind wherever she goes and she had stopped having fun, two years ago. At the bowling alley she was bubbling with excitement as she lifted a light ball with the brightest color. It had been so long, the poor thing had forgotten how to hold one. Her first shot hardly touched few pins, but she came back grinning. I wanted to let her win, like we do with kids, but thought of giving her a good competition. At the end, I led the score with only a couple of points. I saw the widest smile on her face when she announced she wanted to play another game! I was tired coz I just recovered from viral fever, she was kind enough to let me go. She played the next game alone but was very distracted when she started to think about her baby she left back at home. I called my mom who was baby-sitting and assured my sister the baby is doing fine. After the second game, she called her husband and proudly announced her score. Later we played few games at the video games arcade and she won them. When we returned home, she was rejuvenated. Made me wonder why women forget to have fun when they settle into a family of their own.

I'm sorry for the word verification in my blog's comment window. Have got few weird things published as comments from unknown sources. I thank all the people who still care to comment.

Daddy's Little Princess?

Its been a long break from the blogger world. I didnt post anything new, neither did I read any. Now I'm back, and I feel refreshed!

Last week I was watching an episode of Oprah Winfrey Show. I like this show, and love the work her Angel Network does. The topic has been discussed before, talked, mourned and cried. But this time I learnt more. It was about fathers sexually molesting their own daughters! I feel very sad to know that such fathers do exist. First time I came to know about such crimes, I talked to my dad, and asked him how can any father do such a thing. He said these kind of stories are beyond his comprehension and can only be committed by men who are not normal. There was a teenage girl, narrating her story and cried continuously. I admired her courage to do such a thing in front of an audience and a camera. She was finding it so difficult to say her step father had done the same thing to her mentally challenged sister too. He tried to reason it by saying he was looking for acceptance and love. What crap!! But he confessed that such crimes are not committed because of sudden urge or lack of thinking, he said the crime is planned for months. The men actually first just try to get close to their daughters by fondling. On finding no resistance, they try more moves.

It was disgusting. Such crimes usually go unnoticed by the law cause the mothers refuse to go against their husbands! sometimes the girl keep this as a secret as she is afraid that her mother might choose her husband over the girl. I could see anger and comtempt in Oprah's eyes, a victim herself. Her words were bitter when she told the audience that the criminals, on found gulity are sentenced to therapy and just 5 or less number of years of imprisonment. Horrific to know that, as these crimes are worse than manslaughter. I was so glad to have a father whom I love and respect.

What Men Want...

One question I usually ask my guy friends is, what do they find attractive in a woman. This has always been a very interesting topic of discussion for me coz sometimes I get very surprising answers. Eyes, face, figure has been some of the common things listed but one thing that is common to almost 99% of the guys I have talked to, is long hair. I simply dont understand why! Long hair does add beauty to a girl but there are girls who look pretty in very short hair too. It just depends on the way they style and groom it, which I am really bad at. If good hair matters then I am one of the ugliest females living!

One answer was unique, the guy first observes the girl's arms. If they are in good shape then that makes the girl sexy.Very interesting. I never knew this before. But its not funny, its just his point of view. There is one guy I know who first sees the girl's nails. If they are well groomed and painted with rich colors she is found to be sexy. Now that is weird. Just nails makes someone attractive?

Then there is the dress and accessories that come into picture. I find it very funny that guys find girls in modern attire, with short skirts and jeans very appealing but once they have a girlfriend, she looks good only in a salwar kameez, so insist on wearing that. Why is that? I asked my friend and he had this to say - Girls look pretty in jeans but they look beautiful in salwar kameez. Really?!

Talking too much is a turn off. But if she is silent most of the times, the girl is considered to be dim-witted. Good smile kills, but if she smiles too much, she is a flirt. Lean girls are OK, voluptuous is better but fat girls are funny. She must be intelligent but shouldn't give smart advices. Hmmm, so are men epitome of perfection?

My first heart attack... well ok, a mild one.

Me:I had permed my hair few months ago. Now I got bored of it. Can u suggest something?
Beautician : Well, let me ask my girl to take a look at it.
girl: Her hair seems strong enough, I think she can go for it.
Beautician: Alright then, we will first condition your hair for the treatment, in the next sitting, I will treat your hair, then I will make it straight!
Me: Good! so will you be open on weekends?
Beautician: Only on Saturdays.
Me: Alright, I will call and take the appointment. So how much approximately will you charge me for this?
Beautician: Ammmm, see it depends on the length of you hair, since yours is little below the shoulder, it will cost you around 3000 to 3500 or 4 probably.
Me: uh.. ammm ..oh ... ah ... oh...kayyy...fine..ummm...I will call.. bbye.
I never called.

Excuse Me for not being a Snob

I walked into a designer store. Had bought a Ghagra long time back, just needed to get some alterations done. I was in my jeans, not so new tees, a bag on both my shoulders, sneakers which were a bit muddy and a helmet in one hand. The saleswoman gave me a surprise look. I put down the skirt and gave instructions. She was still not listening to me. She had already judged me even before I spoke. I had to repeat and talk firmly this time to grab her attention. She first denied its a creation from the store. How strange is that? Then she took a look at the dress and she was surprised at what she saw. She said "Yes, indeed its from our store!" It was hard for her to digest the fact that a girl like me could own such a dress. To my amazement she even asked me to whom this dress belongs to! I said bluntly " Does it matter? just tell me will you do it or not?" I was losing my temper by now coz the woman was still staring at me with a blank expression and wasnt speaking anything. Finally she agreed. Then I just left the store giving her my contact number. Before I walked out I turned back and asked "So, when can I come to collect MY dress?"
I really wonder who gives them the right to judge a customer with what he/she is wearing or how good they look. Isnt it their duty to just help the customer, without judging that person on weather he/she can buy or not? They forget that they cant even afford to buy the items!

Choco Delight II

I am proud of my new collection!My previous collection had dwindled too soon. And now I have a more beautiful one. I am so totally in love with this. I thank two of my nearest and dearest friends for making this possible.
Note: Each gram of chocolate is in mint condition for consumption. All bear a manufacturing date of a recent time. For people who feel this post is silly, dont bother to comment.

Pirates and the Little Monster

"Pirates Of The Carribean - The Curse Of The Black Pearl", recommended as the perfect movie for a couple to watch together, reason, men love adventure, women love Johny Depp. Its a nice, 'worth a watch once' movie. But Watching it with a 5 month old naughty, baby girl is a different experience. First time, I watched it with my parents, was forced to watch it again last sunday by my sister, who desperatley wanted to, coz she had to return the DVD to the library the following day. Since the movie has out of this world soundtrack, my niece was hooked onto the images flickering on the idiot box. My sister tried avoiding this by holding her in the opposite direction, which made the cutie so angry she started to yell and scream! Entire 2 and odd hours she screamed and cried. My sister put her on my lap as I wasnt very interested. She tried desperately to follow the dialogues, coz if you dont, you wont understand what's the whole deal about the adventure. She kept asking me what did this guy say, what did that girl say, hellooo...How am I supposed to remember the lines? Its not a bollywood superstar delivering them! All this time my niece is trying to be a trapeze artist slipping frm my arms. My sis fed her, tried to keep her quiet, but all in vain! By the end of the movie, which my sister would have wished all the characters die and go to hell, as she was dead tired, we lay there on the couches, exhausted, TV on and the little monster giggling.

Desperate Measures

Few days back I was having dinner alone at a small eating joint closeby to my house. Though my mouth ulcers were screaming with pain I was slurping away rice and hot rasam. Just then a man walked in and sat in a table next to mine. His personality was that of a businessman. He started to stare. At first I was uncomfortable for a while, then I ignored him and continued to enjoy my Thali. He took out his cell phone and dialled. I doubt that he was talking to anybody at all. He started talking to some "SIR" in Hindi. Excerpts from the "conversation":

"Why dont you stay at my place? Its a big home! You dont have to spend so much on hotel bills sir"
"Oh common! Mine is a 3 bedroom house and you know I dont have a wife! I dont even have a girlfriend" Ok now he is giving details.
"Hey! Its in Koramangala, very close to Forum, I watch movies every weekend" long pause...stare..."alone" shucks!! this is too much!
"No no, you dont need to book a taxi, You can use my Ikon, cause I often use my Octavia....hey I sold my accent and planning to buy any new model" yeah, what about your Ferrari?!
"Business is doing so good! Just now I decided to export!" To timbuktu?
All this time I am trying not to listen but he is screaming at top of his voice. The rest of the crowd too was looking at this guy, some even stopped eating.
"What will I do with my MBA degree? First class is of no use" Then he yelled out his percentage which I dont remember.
The waiter approaches, he asks about the items available. Then the guy has a problem with everything, "oh! thats oily" "oh! I cant eat so much" "No way!It wont be good to eat" "Sir, I always avoid such cheap places, but today I am in a hurry" " Glass is not clean, water is not completely clear" If only I could shout GET A LIFE!!
I just couldnt take it anymore. I quickly finished my dinner, payed and I left uttering something in hindi which meant "people can fall to any level to get noticed" I dont remember what exactly I said, but I hope I was grammatically correct. I believe he heard me, coz his conversation with the SIR ended abruptly.

My mobile phone is a very loyal friend of mine, though I sometimes consider it as a nuisance. A kind of a friend you cant live with nor can you live without. I might be way too careless in handling this thing and I have dropped it numerous times. Call me butterfingers but it just slips from my palm! Its a sleek and small handset and lots of times when I have tried to grab it in a hurry or just pick it up casually, I have manhandled it. It withstood the torture for months with minor scratches but two weeks ago, the umpteenth time, it said enough is enough and went on a strike. It just refused to ring and alert me when I get a call or a message. Since it was still under warranty, I thought of getting it repaired using it. I know warranty does not cover such accidents but just wanted to give it a shot. But the repair kept on postponing, I needed my phone to be with me all the time, as I was expecting important calls. Few days later I was trying on a PEPE JEANS which was on sale ( I dont recommend to even to take a look at this sale) and my phone slipped from my trouser's pocket and fell down hard. I was glad it was still in one piece. Few minutes later my sister called me and it rang!! I couldnt believe it! I was laughing like a mad person while other shoppers and my friends watched in bewilderment. This reminded me of Bollywood movies where a person, who loses his memory after a bump on his head, gets it back after another.

Me Tagged Too..

I have been book tagged, not a good idea to tag me coz I am not a voracious reader. I dont know how this works. Do we get the freedom to choose our questions too? Well I'll do this the way I want to.

Number of books owned: I have no idea, and I am lazy to count. Probably around 10 novels, lots of technical books, I just had this stupid notion that owning them would give me an intelligent flair, around 50 comic books. About 30 borrowed.
Book I love to read regularly: Reader's Digest [ok, its a magazine]
Favourite book: Calvin and Hobbes, The days are just packed [Thanks again for the person who gifted this ]
Current read: Fountainhead by Ayn Rand [when will I finish this!!]
Best read: The Good Earth by Pearl S Buck, Kane and Abel by Jeffery Archer.
Worst read: Abduction by Robin Cook [I will never read his books again]
Book I will never finish : The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari [ sorry pal, this was your only bad suggestion ]
Book I almost died to finish reading: Angels And Deamons by Dan Brown [ everything is exaggerated ]
Book I enjoyed reading every page: 5 Point Someone by Chetan Bhagat [ though I doubt its his story in IIT ]
Book that I bought long ago but is still good as new: Data Structures in C and C++ by Tenenbaum [sorry if there is a spell mistake in the name]
Best possession : Gone With The Wind by Margaret Mitchell
Best movie inspired from a book: Gone With The Wind, again
Books I have avoided: The entire Mills and Boons series [Yes, I am still a Piscean]
Book that I treasure the most: My college note book in which all my friends drew pictures and signed them.
Favorite comic books: Calvin and Hobbes, Archies comics, Asterix, Chandamama [I dont know if this book is still in circulation]
Okay I am done here, have to get back to work. It is killing me!

Oh wait...I tag these people

Cinnamon
Sattu
Sanju
Pooja
Krish

Have You Ever...?

Let your hair loose and let it fly in the cool breeze, and smiled when
the strands hit your face
Waved to a stranger's kid and watch it wave back to you and giggle
Ate ice cream as soon as you were out of the bed
Danced in the rain and smiled back at the people who were watching you in amusement
Gone home after a long time and parents hugged and kissed and said how much they missed you
Held a naked baby in your arms and watched it fall asleep
Trusted your friend so deep that you believe every word the person says
Watched the moonless night sky when the entire town had a blackout
Imagined your favorite song being played in your head over and over again
Came home cold and tired and someone offered you a hot mug of coffee
Watched a full moon rising like a big orange candy
Made someone laugh and just sat looking at the person's pretty laughter
While cleaning up the wardrobe, you found your 6th grade class photo and your first crush smiles back at you
Visited your old school and stood in the playground and imagined your school days and the dreams you had
Tried flying a kite on your office terrace and not be embarrassed that your attempts are failing
Thought about a long lost friend the whole day and the very next day she drops a mail in your inbox

Closure

The teacher pulled up his fat glasses over his broad nose and called out her name, and he made it sound so sweet.The girl with plump cheeks and fair skin stood up and as she walked she smirked and looked at me, but just for two seconds as she moved on and faked a surprise look, though she was sure she stood first in the class. She was the favorite, she was the sweet-heart and she was popular. I never craved to be like her, I was happy and content, but
it was she who always compared herself to me, maybe she was insecure. She would work hard to score higher, she would do anything to please the instructor to get the lead role in the dance performance. I just gave her competition and watched in amusement.Yes, I was evil, but didnt mean to be malevolent. Her attempt to make me feel inferior and her failure to do so, amused me even more. She is related to me [ and no, I dont want to trace the family tree] and was considered better than me by grannies, aunties and mamas. It was a blessing in disguise for me, cause there were no expectations from me. After school we went our seperate ways. She struggled to finish her graduation, while I maintained my average scores, graduated and got a decent job. One of these best days of my life I met her, recently. She is now lean and looked tired. She is married to a man born more than a decade before us, who was chosen by her parents. She asked what am I doing these days. The smirk was now just a lazy smile.I didnt gratify my evil self, instead shook her hand, gave her warm wishes, tasted the ice cream she offered and left after the exchange of goodbyes. I think we both closed this chapter.

I Am Watching You

I have always felt sorry for celebrities and people who are in news cause they are constantly watched and every action of theirs is scrutinized to minute detail. But now I can empathise with them. Not that I am popular but I am being watched and monitored all the time. It might be the consequence of knowing lot of people, maybe my life seems interesting for some or maybe because of this blog. Yes, I have left lot of personal information in this blog before, but my intention was only to write what I feel like. I am trying to curb that practice, thanks to few near and dear ones. Now I'll have to think twice before writing a post here or hang out with a friend. I have to guard my cell phone all the time cause anytime it can go into someone's hand and in an instance its menu->messages->inbox!! and a loud "aahh!!" followed by "who is this? " and a tussle as I try to grab it back. My parents are no less too. My open minded and liberal mom has changed completely, thanks to so called "concerned" aunt. Now not only do I have to report my status to my manager, every night I report where I am, whom I'm with, to my mom. In office, there are curious eyes watching what I do, even as I type this. I used to lose my temper on my friend who used to ask me very personal questions. Every person has the right to his/her personal space where no one can intrude, not even their life partners, but I guess the term 'privacy' is losing its meaning.

Musings

I see a rickshaw emitting a thick exhaust smoke, flaunting a sign "Dont Pollute the Air" yeah, like saying "leave that work to me". Jerk!This is heights of absurdity!and I think of these..

Height of rip off: 8 candies in Sweet World at Forum cost 68 rupees!
Height of torturing employees: More than 2 meetings per day. Even worse, scheduling a meeting to discuss what to be discussed in the next meeting.
Height of irritation: When 3 people come into my cubicle, and chat aloud with another team mate, in a language that cant be understood.
Height of absent-mindedness: My Brother-in-Law walks past me, looks at me, but I failed to even recognise him!
Height of stupidity: Wearing my favorite white dress even if aware that its going to rain that evening.
Height of Laziness: So lazy to cook even if hungry, that I rather eat an apple and go to bed.
Height of happiness: could I be anymore happier than what I am now?
Height of mixed feelings: Mrs.Indira giving me a big bar of chocolate.
Height of smartness: Caught daydreaming in a meeting yet again, but this time I said "I was pondering over the points you put forth,I think..blah blah"
Height of expectation: Expecting a treat from this friend of mine.
Height of gluttony: Ate so much of home cooked food, another bite would have ripped my stomach apart.
Height of addiction: One whole day without chocolate made me depressed enough to kill myself.

Daydreaming Again

I have always been a daydreamer. Yes, while sitting,standing,talking, any time of the day I start dreaming or just think something else and I get so engrossed that I completely forget whats around me. And these are not any princess dreams, but just recollecting what happened before or thinking about what might happen if I do such and such a thing. But tuesday's experience left me embrassed and the rest amused. In the status meeting, there was a discussion on some technical issue which wasn't related to my project and wasn't interesting. And me, well I was wondering will I ever make it as a good manager. Will the employees listen to me? Having a bad temper, what if I punched people who didnt listen?! Then my attention shifted to a tree I could see through the window, wondering how old the tree might be, what if I lived that long and I had to stand in the same place for life!! And then my manager called my name. Before I could realize what was happening he shot a question at me, "what is your opinion on this? ".I shook my head and said I agree with T. Everyone looked at me in bewilderment. Then my manager calmly said "T has not given his opinion yet". All I had left to say was sorry and looked at the slide on the projected screen, commented something stupid and continued taking minutes. The end of the day, I had the most embrassing moment in recent times.

Our Place

Finally I found a place to hangout, my favourite place in Bangalore! I have one in my home town where I always love to spend time with my friends or my sister and the pizzas are delicious. I only order one variety of dessert each time and the guy knows it even before I order it. And there is this big board where we can write anything under the sun. Now in this city, I am home again. I love this place. It has a little playground in front and cute kids come here to play.The chuckles and giggles on the swing, their attempts to not fall at the end of the slide, the happy faces on the merry-go-round...its heaven. I love watching the babies lick ice creams. And while I sat on the swing, for hours having a nice conversation, I fell in love.
I will not reveal the name and location. Its just named "our place".

Hmm...

The need to have something, so bad that you hope, cry and pray every night. You keep waiting for it, anxious every time you think about it. You are desperate but cant do anything about it. You start living with the fact its not happening but still wishing. And, out of the blue, when you have given up, its there, right in front of your face and you realise that, you have moved on.

Conversation Overheard

She sits in the scorching heat, using her hand to shield the glaring sun to look away. He stands there looking at her with vehement emotions and
says "I have never been so serious in my life, I love you, and I want this to work out".
She says "I need something to drink".
He says "Diet coke?".
She nods.

I Will

I left office yesterday evening and instead of walking back to my appartment I just kept on walking for about an hour and made a mental note of few dos and donts and things I ought to remember all time. What better way then put them in my personal space!

The list:
- I will cut down my caffeine intake to half.
- I will stop biting my finger nails.
- I am going to start my morning walk again.
- I will ask someone to get lost from my life for good.
- I will not let my team mates treat me like just another pretty face with no brains.They better start recognising my contribution. Have already taken the first step.
- I must ask him where are we heading in this relationship.
- I will control my temper, try to think once before making a rude remark.
- I will learn to say NO and I'm not going to tolerate any non-sense.
- I will not kill Mrs.Indira, but I will find a new place to live.
- I hate to work as a software engineer, and I wont hide the fact anymore, but I will do my job earnestly.
- I am not fat. And people who think I am can just go to hell.
- I am not going to exhibit myself in front of losers, so that they offer me a marriage proposal.I wont get my snaps taken too.
- I am loved by so many people, I will never complain that my life sucks.
- I wont pretend anymore I like Chinese food.
- I aint stopping doing things that make me happy and will do everything my way.
- I will take up the course that I've been planning to do for years.
- I wont think about the past nor will I plan my future.
- I will not give up chocolates, no matter what my friends, family or my doctor say.

And it rained again while I walked back :)

She..

She is a good girl, introvert and shy. Never had close friends since childhood, her only solace was in her little sister who she loves like her own child. She found a best friend in her and would do anything to see the younger sibling happy. Been ridiculed by kids in school, scars still remain. She found comfort in her mother's unconditional love. Being the first born, the young shoulders bore heavy responsibilties. She matured well ahead of her age. She begs to be indifferent to fashion but she does enough justice to her aristocratic looks. She grew to be cute damsel, with butter skin and sweetest smile. She looked at the world with her big black innocent eyes. A prince cought her eye and she fell in love. For years he gifted her dreams and she lived in a beautiful bubble which burst and broke her down. She still lives with the old scars but has a strong will to live through all that she has endured. There is another man in her life now, but she isnt loved the way she deserves to be. He doesnt know how precious she is to her family. She cries silent tears and says her newborn is her world now and has no time to think of anything else. She screams and cries for vengeance, few minutes slip by and she is ready to forgive. She has love in abundance but her man doesnt care enough.Its a shame that the world doesnt appreciate a beautiful human being like her. Wish she could be more like me, give back what you get, but then deep inside, I long to be like her.

Being Single

I read a very interesting article in Deccan Herald's Living supplement. It was an article about single men and women. Not only did it have stories about single youth but also about people who are living for years, all alone. There was one interesting line that a doctor said. She said "when you are living alone, you cant afford to fall ill". She was speaking for me. This whole week I was ill, still am, which explains my dry days in this blog, and also that my blogshares have dropped 1000 points!! Coming back to the point, I took leave for a day and a half. I couldnt sit in the AC room for long and felt very tired. But when I was in my room, I was bored to the maximum. With just a radio and a novel, fiction has never been my favorite, I was looking for things to pass time. Called few friends of mine. But got lot of time to think about what I plan to do, how to manage relationships, how to say NO in the most polite way. Maybe that should be my next buy, a book on 'Learn how to say NO'. Why am I wandering from what I am supposed to write?!

Well, the fact is, no matter how much we singles enjoy the freedom of being our own boss, doing things on our terms and no one to share the bathrooms! Had to mention that, there is the inevitable loneliness. Never felt so alone before. Now I'm sick, and have nobody to take care of me, well not entirely true, a very sweet friend is helping me in all the possible ways he can. The downpart is washing and cleaning even though I'm tired and my whole body aches, preparing my own meal (really missed my family this week. Gosh! I used to be so pampered when I fell ill).

But its a very good experience to live alone. I got plenty of time to spend with myself and learn lot of things which I wouldnt have known otherwise. But there are occasional raised eyebrows, questions about why a young girl is still single and doubts about the orientation which I have to deal with.

Once In a Lifetime

The date! Its supposed to be historical. 05/05/05 comes once in a lifetime. My mailbox is being flooded with many of these crap mails. I dont think its a big deal though..hmm..So what are the things that comes *only* once in a lifetime for everybody?

First love ( ah! I know that is very first thing any one would say)
First kiss ( I mean the first of all first ones )
Losing virginity
First performance
Marriage, for some
Childhood (Wish I never grew up, maybe I havent! )
High School (The best days of my life)
First pay (Oh! how I loved it when I spent it all )
The chance to let someone you love, know how you feel.


I cant think of any more right now. I'm just too happy and pre-occupied!
And it rained yesterday, exactly the time I left office. The heavens poured on
me as I walked and I did a little jiggy dance, which few people at Java City
watched. But who cares!

I Walked Another Mile

I hold back a tear and fake a smile
But you see my pain right through it all
You said that you love me so deep, yet
Why do I hesitate to take the fall.

No one knows me like you do
Wouldnt let me cry even for a while
I fear to tread this path unknown, but
Everytime we talk I walk another mile.

Deepthi

Mrs. Indira says...

Its a real challenge to live with old people. It is a different story if the person is your grandparent, but if he/she is your landlord, you would think atleast once of committing a murder or suicide. My landlady Mrs. Indira is around 75 years old, quite fit for her age, and full of energy to irritate me.
Here is the list of things she says or do that annoys me.
She spends her entire day at the Bangalore Club, playing Poker or Tambola, boozing, and she expects me to be back every night before 9 PM.
Repeats the same thing over and over again, every time I return, "switch of the light, tighten the tap, close the door properly,..."
Every time I iron my clothes, "Dont forget to switch off the iron, if it gets too heated, it might blast and bring down the entire apartment building", really? A small iron box! how??
"No cooking after 8 in the night, the cockroaches from outside the apartment will get the smell and will come inside" Didnt know they are nocturnal.
"Do you use the water heater?" before I could ask her if she going to stop me from using it, she said "good, you know otherwise the water will go stale if not used for long, and when switched on after a long time, it might blast", I think she watches a lot of Bollywood movies.
When I'm all set to leave for office, she thrusts a mop stick into my hand and asks me mop to the bathroom!
She has to open up her album, the exact time when I'm late for something and show me the same damn photos everytime without sparing me the story of her journey from riches to rags. "You have to be thankful to our ancestors[Madrasi Tamilians, I guess]that youngsters like you have the right to speak in English.They fought with Muslim leaders,who wanted to make Urdu-Hindi the official language of India and get rid of English". I dont know what her ancestors did, but didnt do a good job putting some sense into her.
I would just go on complaining but its better I stop it here.Its really surprising that though I am short tempered I always try my best to be nice to her, She is afterall a senior citizen, and living all by herself too.

Gray Is The New Color

Yesterday being a sunday, had planned to get up late.But my land lady had to wake me up early with her weird questions. So grumbling I started with my routine work. while getting ready, I faced the mirror and what followed was not a pleasant situation. Of course the big nose and the messy hair has always been a problem but what I stared at now was what I never expected. There! in the rays of the rising sun, glistened a single long strand of gray hair!! At first I thought I saw my streaked strand of hair.But this was of a different color. It was a shock. At first I consoled myself saying this is the result of all the treatments done to my hair, but is it because of the age? I'm only 23 I screamed! My land lady knocked on my door and gave me a strange look. I looked at her hair, all white, without any trace of black, damn!

My mother asked me not to worry about it, else it will multiply! Is there any scientific proof for this? Few people believe that tension causes gray hair. Got to do some research on this. Resisted plucking it out, advice from my sister. What if I get more? Coloring is an option, but this is a sad situation. I had pictured myself with gray hair when I'm in my late forties, taking care of my family with children in college. If my father finds out he will have only one advice to give,
get married soon. damn!

Wanting to be lead again to the place where dreams came true
The sweet sight of roses and droplets of honey dew
Roses have withered but the fragrance still lingers
My mind still resounded by your sweet whispers

Days have gone by, dont see you anymore
No regrets no memories that are sore
While dreams of you I see
Dream a little dream of me

HP Habba

HP Habba, thats the name of the fest we had last week for our BU in HP, festival of no work and all play. Rehearsed for the show for 3 weeks.The week before the event were just packed. No work and just practice, realized how much I lagged behind at work after the fest. I enjoyed myself completely. More than event, I had great fun at the practice sessions. I made many new friends, now I exchange pleasantries with people I never spoke to before. And few of us call one another with the names of the roles we played in the skit. I got the chance to act, dance and even sing a couple of lines from a jingle. All of which won me few admirers.

Our team won the runner-up prize which was well deserved. The prizes were a let down. It didnt quite gratify the participants for their hard work, even the dinner treat wasnt re-imbursed, but just thinking about the whole experience, the rehearsals, hunting for costumes, the discussions about the script, evening snack time, the bus ride to the auditorium, advertising our show, cheering for our team which reminded me of my college days, screaming and whistling, praying and hoping we make it through the show without any major flaws,the tension, the smug expressions on our face when any other team didnt perform well and feeling envious of the team that did, and finally celebrating was simply superb and unforgettable.

I liked this photo of my dance, its different :)

Choco-Delight

yeah!yeah! I finally have almost enough chocolates to finally realise my fantasy I had for years. I've always fantasized about building a house with chocolates and candies. How lovely! Well, not to the magnitude of a real house but atleast now I can build a doll house. I resisted eating all chocolates gifted to me on my birthday, grateful to all my friends who gifted them, just to see how much I can collect. Now my cupboard looks so beautiful. My first love has always been chocolates and if I see any eatable flavored with this, I just devour it. So maybe in few days I wont fit into my clothes. I can visualise few reading this would be drooling and would envy my collection. But dont come looking for it. Tonight is the night for this glutton to indulge herself in what she loves to do.

A Twist In the Tale

Ok. So I got my hair permed. Why make it a big deal?! Everyday having the same hair, combing it the same way, was boring and I experimented with my hair,which I have done lots of time before but hasnt been this noticeable, Because my hair would get back to normal pretty soon. I was stuck with the same hair style for almost 7 years and just went to my trusted beautician and asked her to do anything different no matter if its even on a wild side. I really liked it. So now i'm talk of HULKUL(my building) for having a weird hairdo. Seriously didnt crave for attention but feels great to do something other than the ordinary. Few have actually liked it.The most interesting way of looking it is, *critics* of people like me trying to do different, are the ones who have nothing interesting happening in their lives so they try to find funny things in our lives to joke about. This was not my words but I totally agree with this. This has certainly worked in my advantage. My parents always talk about offers I'm getting for marriage during weekends when I'm at home. They were thinking of giving up to plan the "meetings" when i cut my hair short. Now, they just dont talk about it.

Birthday Bumps

Turned a year older this week, but didnt become any wiser. Didnt have the enthusiasm to celebrate it this year, not scared that I'm growing old but marking this day as special and throwing a party sounds a bit silly now.I think its only on our birthday, we realise how many friends we have, when they convey their wishes and especially when they ask for treat. I was overwhelmed by the fact that I have lots of friends and I owe most of them a treat for my birthday and also for becoming an aunt. I can celebrate for being blessed by a cute niece. Thats the best gift I've got for my birthday.

When Luck Runs Out..

I have noticed this behaviour in young men for past few months, though it cant be generalised. I feel quite a number of guys who are still in early twenties are becoming anxious about still being single. If they are unlucky once or twice the world ends there! Though it is considered cool to flaunt a girlfriend or many, I used to see my friends enjoy their single status. Ok now I must tell why i'm writing all these.Yesterday few of my friends and me met to have dinner together. Purpose, one of 'em was feeling depressed. Agenda, to cheer him up. Action , just chit-chat and have fun.The reason behind his achy-breaky heart is what makes this interesting. Some jyothish had told him couple of months ago that in the next 58 days he'll meet his dream girl, if not now then never. My poorfool friend has taken this to heart. Yesterday was 57th day and he hasnt met his "girl" yet. So my dejected friend wanted to hang out with his buddies to feel better. Today is the D-day, and can imagine him letting out a sigh sitting in front of his computer, trying to fix a bug which he should have done ages ago, reading all the thread mails and forwards.While some of my friends tried to sympathise with him, all I had to say is, "get a life!!".We are meeting again today to make the "unlucky" one, chirk up.

bundle of joy

Last weekend I had been to mysore, and finally got to hold my new born niece. She is so tiny,pink and cuddly. I cried tears of joy when mom placed her on my lap, it was pure bliss .It was wonderful to watch her smile with dimples on her cheeks, make cute expressions on her face and cry only when she is hungry. And she is wrapped up in pink diapers, clothes and pink blankets,lovely sight to see. It was overwhelming to see purest form of love between the mother and her daughter.

I salute women's strength and endurance.I'm not just saying this because I'm one too. Women are classified as weak beings, coz we cry for petty reasons, get emotional for everything and some of us are not strong enough to be leaders in male dominated society, but to bear a child in her for nine months, and bringing it to this world enduring pain thats beyond comprehension unless one feels it, is what makes a woman great. And it doesnt end here, taking care of the baby 24/7, staying awake at nights, feeding and cleaning. After being in labor for more than a day my sister still had the composure to smile at the visitors and had the strength to walk! which made me admire and respect her even more than I did.

Stupid mistake

I have commited the most stupid mistake of my life yet. Knew I was never a very intelligent human being when it comes to taking decisions , but I could be such a pudden head ? thats new discovery about myself.Well, as the saying goes, 'what goes around,comes around'. This mistake taught me a very valuable lesson.It made me taste my own medicine. Now I really know how a person would feel when faced with situation like the one I did.Guess I'm not lucky in everything and I'l be more cautious now.I have made dumb things before,so like always I'l laugh at this too and get on with my life but never forgetting what was learnt.

Theme song

I have this song always stuck in my head.Its my theme song..theme for my life. At first when I came to know that few people have theme songs,I thought it was silly.But now I have got addicted to this.I sing it when I am happy, sad or just feeling low.Sometimes I sing it loud or tap my fingers only to get weird stares from people around me.It really helps to feel good about myself.I now often sing it in my head when I walk to office in the morning and I'm lot more cheerful to face the day ahead. Here is excerpt from it.

I've been down.. this road
walking along ...swallowing my pride
and I have made mistakes in my life
that I...just cant hide
oh I believe i'm ready..
to what world has got for me
got myself together.. now I'm ready to sing
I've been searhing for my soul tonight
got so much to see in life
and got to shine a light
and find my way back home...


so, the reader has any?

A friend..a gentleman

I asked a friend of mine to accompany me for shopping on saturday.He is the only guy I know who says "I love shopping"!So he didnt complain even a little bit. I was a bit apprehensive about the whole idea coz he is not a very close friend of mine. I have met few guys who have mistook my intentions of being very friendly, and they end up asking me out.He helped me buy clothes, he knew lot of details regarding women clothing [like what size fits me,what color would look good on a girl, if the material is good..etc] i was totally surprised.I saw him enjoy suggesting me what clothes to buy, even forced me to buy a knitwear which he liked a lot .Though i didnt see the necessity to buy one in spring season.He found it hard to believe that i had selected all that i needed to buy in less than a hour.I am really impressed by his behaviour. He was decent and well mannered. I feel proud to have gentleman like him as my friend.

Reborn again!

I am so happy that i feel like jumping and screaming [ did that on my bed actually ] Something i thought i have lost has been given back to me. Friendship is what i value most in my life and when i felt i'm losing my best friend, I was shattered..it was like a slow poison ..killing me. This friend of mine was so precious to me. And amidst all this another good friend of mine put me through it all over again, this time I cursed my fate.I lost my faith in pure friendship and swore that i'm not going to have any more friends. My new friend was quick to realise that i was hurting and he was so caring that he promised to be there whenever i need him. He gave me the strength to face the situation i had with my best friend. We were able to rebuild our friendship again.

Stung by music

I'm not a fan of STING, an English pop artist(Dont even know his real name ) but on friday i had been to his live concert. I wasnt too sure i wanted to go, but my Brother-in-law insisted i must accompany him and his friend.This surprised me coz my BIL is an avid fan of metal music. We arrived at the venue a little early so stood very close to the stage(and too close to the loud speakers too...that expains my headache the next day).Then after a delay of 1 hour,Sting finally arrived on stage, dressed like a true englishman.He performed most of his hits...i knew only few, which i like,but his fans were singing along, jumping and screaming.My BIL's friend, who loves Sting, kept pushing her way into the crowd. The crowd was pretty decent and well behaved.And I must say,he has a golden voice.An artist who knows what music is...has great depth in his voice.The show ended two hours later.This was the first music concert i have attended.Overall a good experience.

The great escape!

This was one of the bravest stunt i have pulled off during my college days,of course with some help from my friends.On new year's eve, friends from my PU college had a pyjama party.All the girls danced and stuffed ourselves with junk food till we felt sick..and finally settled on the floor.We remembered this incidence and all of us burst into laughter and patted one another's back for being successful at it.

This happened on the eve of our college's cultural fest.Our group, 'blossoms' as we proudly call it,had to perform a dance for the event...and it was time for the final rehersal.But Mr.MRK, our chemistry lecturer was conducting a special class,(after hours) and not in favor of the event, he would not let us go.And six of us had to come up with something to get out.So this was the plan. I dropped my head on the desk and moaned,my neighbor(partner in crime) yelled out to the lecturer and said I was sick,he came to my seat, i had to put up an act(its very difficult to fool this man) and luckily he was convinced,so he asked my friend to take me home.While we were about to leave,my friend said she needs one more person to ride the bike, coz she didnt have one.Without even doubting the fact that three would be riding a single bike,he gave permission to another.So three down,three more to go.One of them slipped out when he turned towards the board.We bribed an attendant to pretend to call the remaining two to the principal's office."These girls are in trouble again,silly girls" is what they overheard him muttering.BOOM!! everyone out!Few minutes later he realised that the notorious gang of SDM had escaped from his class!Later my classmates told us that he was furious! He had clenched his fist and yelled..

After the fest I was summoned at the principal's office coz I was the class representative. But since we had put up such a great show at the fest, our 'bol bhatta' just smiled and excused us with a warning not to repeat it. But sad we were'nt in the college for the next year's fest.

Me(n)tal bliss!

This is about my ride back to Bangalore on sunday. My friends decided to travel by bus, I hate that. I was cribbing about it,just then my BIL,who was supposed to leave the next morning decided to leave sunday afternoon coz he had to finalize a business deal that evening. He asked me to come along,I cant thank him enough for it! We got in the car and zoomed towards Bangalore.
So... Megadeth's greatest hits+ Metallica's greatest hits+Garage hits+superb car stereo+gr8 coffee at the coffee day near bidadi+ an OK road, part of the road is really good=one of the best journeys of my life :)

imbroglio....

I am in such a confused state of mind this week, if this continues i will definitely become demented. Cant write about it too.. I cant even talk about this with my closest friend coz that person is one of the accused. Its a general notion that women are complex in nature, but i say men make life complicated for them! atleast to a certain extent. Dont like to write much about this now.

new year resolution...

I think i'm little talkative... my new friends dont see this quality in me,i wonder why. But friends who have known me for years will know what i'm talking about. I sometimes blabber utter nonsense. So i thought of making a resolution this time (dont remember having any). I am trying to talk less and believe me, its hard.
I am so tempted to open my mouth for every discussion that happens around me! i shut my mouth but all these thoughts and words i intended to say echo in my mind. I dont know if i can stick to this one for long, but i am definetly giving it my best shot.